


Joker's Trick or Treat

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Holidays [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Car Chase, Egging a House, F/M, Halloween, Robbery, Sex, The Joker and Harley are in a "healthy" relationship, Trick or Treating, mad love, murderous clowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 17:37:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8294335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Joker and Harley decide to do something a little different this Halloween instead of giving out candy





	

Harley hummed happily. It was her favorite time of the year! Halloween! She loved the chill in the air and the fact that the sun set sooner, casting Gotham in darkness! 

Harley giggled happily as she adorned the hideout with some Halloween decorations she had stolen on her last outing. 

She was stringing fake spider webbing over puddin's desk, having climbed up on his desk and was standing on her tiptoes to reach the corners of the wall above. Joker was sitting at said desk, working on his latest scheme, drumming his fingers on the desk and smoking a cigarette, while he drew little pictures of Batman dying in a variety of gruesome ways, which of course, made him laugh. 

He glanced up at Harley. Joker smiled watching her standing on his desk. Her rear end was in the perfect position for him to reach out and give her a good pinch. But he didn't—he just enjoyed the view, a distraction from the fact he hated all the plans he was working on...or not working on at the moment. His eyes followed her when she jumped off the desk and moved on to spread the webbing over their bed. 

“Hey puddin?” Harley was taping some ghosts onto the wall. 

Joker glanced up again from his doodling. “Yes my pumpkin?” 

He put out his cigarette in an ashtray Harley had found that was shaped like a clown. He reached over where he had a bottle of whiskey and poured himself a shot before he leaned back to watch her. 

“We should do something special this Halloween.” Harley jumped down from where she had been standing on the bed and bounced on the mattress as she flopped down. 

Joker smiled watching her. She was wearing a pair of over-size pajama pants of red and black, her hair was pulled up in two pigtails tied with mismatched ribbons and an oversized t-shirt that she had decorated herself to read “Property of Joker” across the breast. 

“What would you like to do?” Joker grinned running a finger over his bottom lip. 

“Want to give out candy?” Harley pressed her hands down on the mattress between her knees, swinging her legs back and forth with a big smile on her face. 

Joker drummed his fingers on his chin in thought. They couldn't really give out candy here from the hideout...razor blades in candy had been so over done...wasn't even funny any more. Besides, messing with children was dull...a few upset parents and an overly upset Batman....boring. As he thought, Joker slowly smiled. Halloween was a time for treats...but really it was a time for tricks! 

“I have just come up with the most splendid of ideas!” Joker grinned. 

Harley started to jump up and down on the bed. “What! What! What!?” 

Joker laughed. “Well, I'm sure some of those fat cats in the richie rich part of Gotham are real stuck up about giving out anything for free.” 

Harley wrinkled her nose. “Yeah, bunch of jerks.” 

“I say: let's go drive through there, find someone who is being less than generous with the kiddies and help them see the light?” 

Harley giggled. “I like it.” 

Joker started to giggle to. “Batsy can't even be mad at us! We'll be giving away stuff instead of taking it!” 

Harley kicked her legs in glee. “It's perfect puddin!!” 

Joker got up and moved over to the bed to drop down on her, making her squeal. 

“I know! What can I say? I'm perfect!” 

Harley continued to laugh and squeal when Joker yanked her t-shirt up and started to blow on her stomach making her screech. 

It didn't take long after that for him to yank her pants down and show her a few fun tricks he knew with his tongue. 

* 

Naked, his clothes lost somewhere in the room, Joker was down on the floor, kneeling by the edge of the bed. Harley's pants had been thrown somewhere in the room, probably in the same location as his own clothing. Joker had his face buried between her legs. Harley's arms were thrown over her head, her hands balled into fists while she held on to the sheets, her eyes screwed shut while Joker's tongue did some very intense exploration of her intimate areas. Her hips were moving against his mouth, her t-shirt shoved up above her breasts while she arched her back.

Her willpower was completely turned to jelly when Joker ran his hands over her hips, caressing over her feminine mound, stroking the hair that curled there until his thumbs came to rest over her clitoris. He rubbed very slowly, teasing her while his tongue thoroughly licked her. She could feel the smile on his lips while his tongue licked and prodded her. He laughed softly against her, moving his mouth to her thighs to take tiny nips at her that he knew would be ticklish. 

Harley groaned and giggled. “Oh puddin!!” 

She could never figure out how he managed to turn nearly every conversation they had into a great, mind melting round of some of the best sex in the whole world! Not that she was complaining...not at all. Ending nearly every conversation like this was pretty damn nice! 

Joker giggled as if he knew what she was thinking, his thumbs rotating in small circles causing her to climax and destroy any coherent thoughts on her part. At the moment of her orgasm, his mouth moved more urgently against her until her eyes were crossing with the pleasure of his administrations. 

When he stood up, yanking her hips over the edge of the bed, she felt him, hard and ready for her, teasing at her entrance. Her whole body ached for him, but particularly there, her wet entrance positively hurt with the need to have him thrust into her. The way he was teasing her was causing her to moan and writhe a little. 

“What do we say pooh?” Joker's voice was low and seductive with just a hint of a growl in it. 

Harley giggle. “Trick or treat?” 

Joker laughed. “Oh you're getting a treat alright.” 

He slipped into her slowly, making her arch while he took his time gliding into her, teasing them both. Joker bit his bottom lip, his eyes rolling up; she felt so good, so wet, so welcoming. He groaned. Harley loved to watch the expression on his face, the way he relaxed when they had sex. It was those moments when he was completely, fully, hers... He buried himself deeply within her, pulling her legs up over his shoulders. Holding onto her legs, Joker leaned into her. He was pressed hard and fully against her, burying himself to the hilt. Harley's hands were tightly grasping the blankets in her fists. She groaned deeply, her inner muscles squeezing him. He felt so good; her puddin always knew how to please her. 

He held onto her legs, his fingers pressing into her knees while his hips thrust, in and out. The wet sound of their fucking hard, her keening with pleasure filled their small room. 

Harley groaned, her breath picking up while he started to move just a little faster. He clinched his teeth hissing her name. “Harley...My Harley!” 

Harley was panting, gasping for breath. “Oh puddin, yes, yes!!” 

He fucked harder, dropping her legs to lean in as far as he could...Harley gasped, her body tensing, her muscles clinching around him. She reached up to clasp his face between her hands. Joker groaned, reaching orgasm at the same moment Harley did, their moans mixing together. Joker dropped on top of her, wrapping his arms around her laughing with delight. Harley laughed in return squeezing him tightly. 

He nibbled along her shoulder rolling onto his side pulling her with him. “Hahah!! You are so distracting!” 

Harley giggled, nuzzling him. “So, what's our plan for the holiday puddin?” 

Joker rubbed his nose against hers. “Something that will annoy our sweet Batman.” 

They both started giggling wrapped in each others arms. 

* 

They set off on foot through the busy streets of Gotham on Halloween night. Harley had her bat and a large, bulging bag flung over her shoulder. Joker was dressed in his best suit, long purple coat and wide brim hat, a joyful smile on his face while twirling his cane. Harley was dressed in her Harlequin bodysuit. 

They hit the stretch of night clubs in downtown Gotham looking for a ride. 

There were several Halloween parties going on and there were cars parked everywhere. 

Until the perfect car presented itself to them. 

* 

Joker was laughing; they had stolen a 2015 Ferrari 458 Speciale that someone had made the mistake of, well...buying in the first place, the damn thing practically yelled “STEAL ME,” but they had also had it parked outside some fancy Halloween party. 

Joker was laughing while Harley yelled out the window throwing balloons full of alcohol at groups of teenagers or adults on the street. He was headed straight for one of the fenced-in communities that allowed their gates open for the night of Halloween. The bigwigs being generous by giving out candy to the poor kids of Gotham. Well, Joker figured there had to be a few sticks-in-the-mud who had closed their houses up to the less than savory trick-or-treaters....so he and Harley were going to remedy the situation. 

* 

They drove in slowly, cruising around looking for a likely target. There were a lot of tiny trick-or-treaters rushing back and forth. Harley squealed. “Look at all the little monsters!” 

Joker laughed. “Little monster...hahahaha!!” 

Finally he saw it. “Lookie there my sweets!” He pointed. There sat a huge mansion between two houses that were lit up for trick-or-treats; this one was dark except for the light inside. Clearly someone was home, but they were not giving out candy. 

Harley narrowed her eyes. “Well that's nasty. Not giving out candy!!” 

Joker grinned. “Let's go get them into the spirit of the holiday.” 

They pulled their stolen car up to the house, careful of the little kids running around, and strolled up, the two of them skipping as they went. Harley had her bat, which she was merrily swing around with her free hand, while Joker had his cane. When they arrived at the door it was locked, but with the porch light out and all the people around them completely distracted, Joker was able to pick the lock easily. With that he opened the door, holding it open for Harley with a bow. She giggled stepping past him, reaching up to cup his face as she walked by and ran her fingers along his jaw. Joker purred at her following her inside, closing the door behind him. They both stood in the doorway listening—the family was in the living room. 

On tiptoes, the two of them snuck into the living room both of them stifling their giggles. The family, mother and father, two teenage sons and a daughter, maybe in her twenty's, were all watching TV. 

Joker grinned pulling out his gun. Harley hefted her bat onto her shoulder. 

Joker ran into the living room, sliding across the floor Risky Business style doing a turn and aiming his gun at the family. “Happy Halloween!!” 

Harley came skipping in behind him swinging her bat. The family screamed as one, but Joker put a finger to his lips. 

The father stood up. “Take whatever you want, just don't hurt my family.!” 

Joker grinned glancing over at Harley. “We're not going to hurt them are we pooh bear?” 

Harley smiled. “Nope! Just going to tie you up!” 

Harley stopped for a moment tilting her head. “Why aren't we killing them again puddin?” 

Joker snickered. “Because that is just what Batsy would expect. Gotta do something he wouldn't expect...you know...shake him out of his complacency, get the old Bat juices thinking outside the box...and it will piss him off because I'll have confused him...I might even get him to smile!” 

Harley giggled. “Batboy smile? I don't know puddin, don't think B-man has the muscles in his face for smiling.” 

Joker stopped threatening the family to turn and look at his lady love with a heartbroken face. 

“Don't ever say that again pooh bear! You might break my heart!” 

Harley smiled. “Sorry puddin...never again.” 

With that Harley held up their “working” bag. Then like the assistant to a magician, she pulled out a rope from the bag, showing the family with perfect game show antics. She also pulled out a handful of ball gags which she produced with a little bow. 

Joker grinned. “You guys are lucky—those are some nice ball gags and you will get to keep them after this! Harley and I don't like used ones, do we dear?” 

Harley grinned, giving Joker a flirty look. “No we don't puddin.” 

Joker grinned wider lighting a cigarette, the gun still lackdaisily aimed at the family. 

“Now folks, if you will allow my lovely assistant to tie and gag you, we can get this party started. If any of you get out of hand or start feeling “brave” I will shoot you. But if you all behave there is a very good chance you will make it out of our party alive!” 

With that Harley started tying and gagging the family, one by one, then she bound them together back to back while Joker held the gun on them. 

“So you guys have any candy for the trick-or-treaters?” 

The family spokesman, whom Joker took to be the father, shook his head no. 

“Mmm...well we simply can't have that now, can we Harley dear?” Joker pouted. 

Harley nodded. “No we can't puddin. We may just have to start giving out other things.” 

“You know dear, I think you're right! Turn on the porch light!! Let's bring the ghoulies and ghosties here!” Joker laughed while Harley happily skipped to the door and flipped on the light. 

* 

The first trick-or-treaters came to the house within ten minutes. Harley was the one to answer the door, still clad in her Harlequin clown outfit. She squealed clapping her hands when she saw the little kids who cheerily sang. “Trick or treat!!” 

“OooOoh you guys look so darling!!!” Harley squealed again before turning around and dropping a DVD player into one of the kid's bags, and iPhone's (unlocked by Joker) into the bags of the other two kids. 

“Oh wow lady, really?” The eldest child, dressed as a mutant turtle looked into his bag. Harley grinned. “Have fun!!! Don't forget to throw eyes at our house!! No...wait...eggs...throw eggs. Eyes might get you arrested.” 

The kids nodded with wide eyes before they turned to leave. 

She closed the door and danced back to her puddin who had found the mother's purse. He had pulled out the lady of the house's make up and was currently putting it on the father, his gun lying on his lap, his cigarette at the corner of his mouth. Joker grinned at Harley. 

“What do you think? Too much eyeshadow?” 

Harley leaned over, putting her hands on her knees studying the man's face. 

“Not enough puddin! It's sparkly—you want to really bring out his eyes.” 

That was when the door bell rang again. “OOOh!! Gotta go, be right back puddin!!” 

Harley danced off doing a cartwheel at the last moment before she opened the door. 

Joker laughed. “She's just a pistol isn't she?” 

He grinned his wide frightening smile working on putting more eyeshadow on the father. 

After about a hour, Harley had given away all the families iPhones, two Go-pro cameras, a DVD player and two bluray players, four laptops, a quadcopter drone, a rolex yachtmaster in white gold with diamonds, a diamond necklace, a pearl necklace with matching earrings, several diamond and sapphire rings and a couple of emerald rings, a diamond sports bracelet and the last trick-or-treater got a LeVian 0.50 Carat Oval Cut Opal 14K Rose Gold Chocolate Diamond Halo Ring that she figured was worth almost a thousand dollars. And that was about the time they heard the sirens. 

Harley rushed back to where Joker was using nail polish to paint happy faces on the walls all over the living room. 

"I think someone might have busted us Mistah J!" 

Joker frowned cocking his head to the side. "I think you might be right sweetheart. Shall we?" 

* 

Batman, along with Robin, had been patrolling Gotham. Halloween could go either way, lots of crime or next to none. Some years it was a mix. That was how the holiday seemed to be playing out this year, a mix of crimes, mostly petty and a few were a little more violent, though a lot of pranks. Batman was currently at edge of one of the buildings, crouched down, gazing onto the city. Robin was beside him grinning like the young man he was...when he noticed a string of police cars. 

"Batman?" He pointed and Batman frowned following the cars with his eyes. 

"They are headed toward that gated community...Spruce River." 

Robin grinned. "Maybe we should check it out?" 

Batman gave his young partener a small smile. "Bored already?" 

Robin sighed. “The cops can handle all the petty crime and vandals. We should be worrying about the bigger picture!” 

Batman nodded. “Come on, let's go check it out.” 

* 

Joker grabbed Harley's hand, the two of them laughing as they ran out of the house to their crookedly parked car that had ruined the lawn and dug grooves into the flower beds. The first police car road up to the house, trick-or-treaters dashing to get out of the way. 

Joker drew his pistol getting off a few shots (of paint) before he jumped into the passenger side of their stolen car. Harley grinned; she knew puddin liked her to drive during car chases most of the time in order for him to lean out the window and shoot. She didn't mind at all. She loved her chance to speed through the streets of Gotham! 

Harley tossed herself into the driver's seat, turned the key and hit the gas just as the rest of the police cars, nine in all, pulled up behind and around their companion who Joker had shot at... 

Harley twisted the wheel quickly. The car was built for speed and easy handling (albeit on pavement), but it still made driving over the perfectly manicured lawns, sending kids and their parents scattering, easy! 

Harley had just turned back onto the road, with Joker leaning out the window taking pop shots at the police (still only using a paint gun, though no one had made the connection that there were no actual bullets being fired yet). Joker was not picking and choosing, everyone was a potential victim, children and adults alike. People were falling to the ground, multiple colors of fake blood leaking onto pavement and grass everywhere highlighted by the police sirens, streetlights or Halloween lights on decorated houses. 

People were running and screaming. One of the cops was shot in the middle of his chest. He was thrown backwards, dropping to the pavement. He looked down at his chest touching the spot. His blood looked purple in the flashing lights of the car, but when he touched the bloody spot and looked at his fingers, he was shocked to discover the blood was still purple. 

He blinked in confusion. One of his fellow officers dropped down next to him. 

“Hang on buddy! I called an ambulance.” 

His friend stared at him for a moment then muttered. “They're shooting paint balls?!” 

“What?” His friend examined his 'wound,' his fingers coming back purple too. He closed his eyes before he stood up. “Alright guys, Joker and Harley are using paintball this time. So everyone be sure the loonies have guns before you fire. Meaning no one had better shoot either of them unless they really have a gun. That's all this police force needs is bad press about shooting Halloween pranksters...even if they are the Joker and Harley Quinn.” 

* 

Batman and Robin arrived at the moment Joker shot a teenager and his little sister, but it was Robin who noticed that the “blood” was actually blue paint. 

“They aren't using real bullets Batman.” 

Batman frowned. Lovely. It was Joker and Harley Quinn. Batman sighed. 

Sometimes it was worse when Joker and Harley were not actually “hurting” anyone, because brute force seemed out of place and the two of them ran a bigger risk of getting themselves hurt, especially Harley. Granted, she was just as “enhanced” as Joker, but she didn't seem able to shrug off injuries quite as well as her lover. Batman still felt bad for her too, though he would never say a word to anyone. Harley had made her own choice and if Batman was any judge, it was clear these two lunatics were in love. That was one thing Joker had that Batman knew he would never have...love. 

Sometimes he wondered if he was the better man since he would never endanger someone by having them involved in his “private life” or was Joker the braver man for opening his heart (or whatever it was that held affection for Harley) and letting someone in...someone who understood him, related to him...was just as crazy as him. 

These were questions that Batman asked himself all the time. But the answers, he wasn't sure, might not really matter...and they didn't right now. Right now he had to stop those two from running over any innocent citizens, return what they had stolen. (He was just assuming they had made a big haul. Spruce River was a high end community with plenty of rich pickings for those two criminals.) After apprehending the two of them, his next project would be hauling them back to Arkham Asylum. 

* 

Batman snarled. “We are not going to be able to keep up with them on foot; we need the Batmobile.” 

He hit the control on his wrist as Robin grinned. “I love car chases!” 

Batman gave his sidekick a sour look which did nothing to stop Robin from looking excited. It only took a few minutes for the car to appear. Batman patted Robin on the shoulder.

“Let's go!” 

* 

Joker leaned out the window of the car with a loud, “Whoopie!!” shooting a couple dressed up as Morticia and Gomez Addams just as he caught a glimpse of the Batmobile blasting around a corner. He grinned slipping back into the car. 

“Hit the gas sweetie!! We got a Bat on our tail!!” 

Harley pouted. “That jerk, always ruining our fun! It's Halloween—doesn't he ever take a break! Grab the jacks out of my bag!” 

Harley shifted into higher gear and slammed her foot on the gas which caused the car to growl and leap forward like a pouncing tiger. Joker was laughing, his eyes starting to tear from the hilarity of the situation. He yanked the bag over, pulling out the jacks with deadly sharp points and tossed them out of the window. 

Batman hissed. “Hold on Robin!” He swung the wheel hard to the left, barely missing the jacks. 

Robin frowned. “Holy Pin cushion!” 

Batman glared sideways at Robin who giggled. “Sorry.” 

* 

Harley drove hard and fast giggling as she did so until she hit the downtown area. Joker was focused on shooting random people and firing off shots at the Batmobile. 

Joker flopped back into his seat with a pout. “Out of ammo.” 

Harley grinned. “Check my purse puddin.” 

Joker grabbed her purse at the moment Harley took a hard turn and Joker slammed into her with a laugh. 

Harley glanced into the rear view mirror laughing. “We put some distance between Batty and us!” 

“Ooooo!!!” Joker pointed. 

Harley did made another sharp turn barreling into Robinson Park, both of them laughing. No sooner had they burst into the park than they saw there was an event going on. 

“LOOK Harley!! A Halloween zombie march! Let's go create some real chaos.” Joker began laughing hysterically. 

Harley giggled. “I put those smoke bombs with the big smiley faces in my bag too. “ 

Joker gave Harley a big wet kiss on her cheek. “You are the best girl, you know that baby?” 

Harley giggled grinning ear to ear. She drove the car into the middle of the crowd sending people screaming and fleeing in all directions. Harley frowned. “I didn't hit anyone! How is that possible?” 

Joker laughed. “Don't worry about it sweets! It's Halloween—just focus on the tricks!” 

Harley skidded to a stop, using the hand break to spin the vehicle around, and they both jumped out of the car, Joker saw the Batmobile almost upon them. He was laughing with joy as he threw a handful of the smoke bombs that Harley had brought just for him. 

With the hundreds of zombies running around screaming and the sudden blinding smoke, Batman pulled his vehicle to a stop. 

“Come on Robin!” 

* 

Joker was holding Harley's hand, the two of them running through the zombies, Joker shooting them with his reloaded paint gun and laughing. Harley had pulled out something she had made special, all by herself with her lover's approval...glitter bombs, mostly harmless, but they could be nasty if glitter got in your eyes and it was very distracting. 

Harley threw one of her glitter bombs; the explosion was loud, and the sudden burst of glitter had zombies running and screaming. Harley and Joker were laughing so hard they almost had to stop to catch their breath. 

Joker spun Harley into his arms kissing her passionately while zombies ran screaming through the smoke and glitter. She nearly dropped her bag, throwing her arms around Joker returning his kiss with enough passion that if Batman hadn't been hot on their tails he would have taken her right there on the cold, damp ground in front of hundreds of zombies... 

“JOKER! HARLEY! Stop right there!” 

They both turned to see Batman with his sidekick, the insufferable Robin standing beside him. Batman yelled, “It's time for you two to return to the asylum” 

Harley put her thumbs in her ears, sticking out her tongue and crossing her eyes. “You can't make us Batsy, bat!!” 

Joker snickered. “What she said!” 

Joker turned his weapon on Batman and Robin, pulling the trigger. The sound of something splatting hard against their chests mixed with the sounds of zombie screams. Joker's shot, which caused Robin to stumble backward hitting a slick spot that knocked Robin off his feet causing Joker to laugh hysterically. “Robin Season!!” Harley laughed grabbing his hand and turned at a run with Joker yelling. “HIDE AND SEEK!!” 

* 

Batman rubbed his chest. “Robin?” 

Robin giggled sitting up. “Ow, darn that smarted!” He touched his chest his fingers coming back purple with paint. Batman stood and reached out, taking Robin's hand and pulling him to his feet. 

Batman sighed both in relief and annoyance. “I hate Halloween.” 

* 

Joker and Harley crept around slowly both of them struggling to keep their giggling under control. Harley searched around her in bag coming up with the last of the pranks she had packed. She handed one to Joker and took the other one for herself. Joker grabbed her face in one hand yanking her in for a kiss. Harley giggled against his mouth which only caused Joker to yank her hard up against his body, an arm going around her shoulders, the other around her waist dipping her back. The kiss made her toes curl. 

“JOKER!” 

They both groaned annoyed. Joker, still holding Harley turned to look at Batman. “Do you mind? Seriously Batty, if you want a kiss too you just have to ask.” 

Robin gagged. 

Batman pressed his lips together in a thin white line. 

“Joker, Harley, it's time to stop this.” 

Harley giggled. “Ah Batsy it's Halloween!” 

Joker sighed releasing Harley, but he slid his hand down her arm to take her hand, weaving his fingers with hers. 

“I don't think I'm ready to head to good old Arkham just yet. You dear?” Joker glanced sideways at Harley who shook her head vigorously. 

“No way puddin!! They never let us share a cell!” 

Batman frowned taking a few steps closer, Robin moving around trying to flank them. 

Joker giggled. “Oh come on Batty, it's Halloween...can't you take a joke?” 

“No,” Batman said bluntly. 

Harley sighed. “Told you puddin. He don't have the ability to smile.” 

Joker put his hand on his heart looking very theatrical. “Say it ain't so Batman! Tell me my girl here is wrong about you!” 

Batman growled. “Both of you, put your hands behind your back and get on your knees.” 

Harley giggled. “Batman is so kinky, isn't he puddin?” 

Joker giggled. “Harley really!” 

Batman gestured at Robin who moved toward Harley. 

Harley let out a laugh doing a back flip easily avoiding Robin's grip. She moved in closer taking a running jog toward him. The young man was quick, but he wasn't ready for Harley who came running at him. They looked as if they were about to collide when Harley threw herself forward, one hand hitting the pavement while the other held a mysterious can. She flipped over Robin's head easily and gracefully. At the same moment she was arching over him she sprayed him right in the eyes with her can...of silly string. 

Robin yelped, grabbing his eyes and stumbling away from her. 

At the same instant, Joker was avoiding Batman. Batman was strong, fast, and well-trained, but he continued to underestimate just how fast the Joker could be. Joker twisted around, the tails of his coat flaring out dramatic. The movement would have reminded one of a dancer the way he avoided Batman's grip. But when Batman turned, he managed to wrap his fingers around the front Joker's dress shirt, yanking the clown forward and off his feet. Joker was laughing his hand coming up to spray Batman in the eyes with his own can of silly string! 

The sudden burn blinded both Batman and his partner enough that Harley grabbed Joker's hand laughing. “Come on puddin!!” Joker pulled back, yanking away from Batman, but losing a button from his shirt in the process. 

The two of them took off deeper into the park, vanishing among the shadows. 

Batman snarled rubbing his eyes clear, but his eyes were watering as if he had been pepper sprayed. Robin came over, his eyes red and slightly swollen, fat tears having made his cheeks wet. 

“Batman?” 

Narrowing his eyes so he could see, Batman muttered. “Get to the Batmobile. I have a first aid kit.” 

* 

Holding hands, Joker and Harley made their way home, spraying silly-string on store windows, running into a convenience store where, instead of stealing money, Joker held the cashier at paint gun point (the kid was too scared to realize it wasn't an actual gun) while Harley stole as many cartons of eggs, a lighter and toilet paper as she could carry and stick in her bag. Just before they left, Joker shot the kid in the forehead. The kid went out like a light dropping to the floor. 

Harley squealed with delight, dropping her “purchases” in order to grab a marker, ripping the packaging open with glee, so that she could draw a nice big Joker face on the kid which caused them both to giggle like children. 

“There, he looks so much better! Don't you think so puddin?” 

Joker was sitting on the counter swinging his legs and playing with the register while eating a Twinkie. He watched his lover work. “He does look better sweets.” 

Harley grinned brightly. “Aw!! puddin thank you!” 

Joker hopped down and pulled her against him. “You're one hot dame, you know that pumpkin.” 

Harley giggled, then squealed as he dipped her back for a kiss. 

They quickly gathered up several cartons of eggs and the toilet paper before heading off to Commissioner Gordon's place so they could egg and teepee his house. Along the way home, they threw eggs at passing cars and teepeed the Gotham City museum, setting the toilet paper on fire, though the fire had little effect on the stonework. 

Joker sighed happily while they watched it burn. 

“Beautiful isn't it?” 

Harley grinned watching the firelight dance in his eyes. 

“Very puddin.” 

“Let's go home...I feel like revving up my Harley.” He giggled. 

Harley squealed jumping into his arms. Joker laughed carrying her the rest of the way home. 

* 

They were both still laughing when they slipped inside the hideout, throwing a bag full of candy onto the floor that they had taken from some teenage jerks at gunpoint—paint gun point—and dropped onto the bed together. Joker giggled. “That was fun even without killing anyone!” 

Harley snuggled close. “Yeah and Batsy showed up too!” 

Joker continued to laugh. “I know!! Wasn't that great?!” 

Harley snuggled against him while Joker started messing around on the back of her costume looking for the zipper. 

“Let's end the day as we started it. Naked and fucking like animals!” Joker playfully growled. 

Harley squealed pretending to try to get away from him, but he grabbed her ankle and yanked her back flopping on top of her. 

“Trick or treat, my dear,” he whispered giving her that beautiful smile of his, part happy, part sinister... 

Harley gazed up at her puddin, her heart bursting with love for him. 

“Both.”


End file.
